I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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