I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So here I am, sexting at work.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
