That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
