wat bout pragnant strippers??
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The power of my boobs compel you
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
