watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
