So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
