your room smells of hookers.
And success
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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