its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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