so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize