Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
