My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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