im drinking this country out of the recession.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
