this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
