what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
