dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
