when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just cropdusted the office
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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