I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
