Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
