So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
