marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
