I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
