One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
