Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
