Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
