guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
