I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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