please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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