I cockslap morals
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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