birth control should be required to get into college
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
