i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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