I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
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I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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