My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
