I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
