I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
