can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
