okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
