If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
this hospital has no fireball
Dick very happy bro
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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