If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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