My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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