There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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