ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
