how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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