I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
