just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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