He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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