I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
