you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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