Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize