So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize