and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
