I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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