definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
