somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm both gender and math confused
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