I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
