Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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