First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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