The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
