My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
