Already got asked if we're dating
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Panties = found
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
