My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
