What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
