My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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