Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
