I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
