I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I had to cum in my sink.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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